Friday, February 11, 2011
Yes its true, they're just happy to be stuck with you..
As the title hints, I'm refering to Hewy Lewis and the News' song that could describe clients who like to work with you ... maybe a little too much. There can be many reasons for this, but as I have found, if you feel drained at the end of a session, almost as if you are driving the client around mentally, and you have multiple sessions like this, there could be a boundary issue going on.
One of the great things that I have experineced as a consultant that has helped me even in my personal growth as an indivudual is learning the skill of discernment when it comes to what you can an cannot do during a consultation. It has been my expernience that, there are some instances where a person will come in, see how versed and skilled you are with the English language and develop the mindset that you can therefore teach them all their matierial for a class that they are struggling with. ... If only it were that simple:)
First of all, you are not, and never were their "instructor". You are actually a peer consultant, key word being "peer" so you cannont take on any higher position than that.
Second, its almost not fair to them to take on such a role because they need to go through the struggle of class so that they can learn to overcome what is challenging them, or discover that the current path they are taking may need to divert its courseway so that they can operate within their means (to stop biting off more than they can chew... so to speak).
This has been the difficult part for me as I instinctively want to intervene and then realize that if I act upon this impulse, I have crossed the line into co-authorship. Also, its a mental exercize to try to take over the construction of someone else's project, so its not serving the other clients who come in later when you have only a couple drops of mental energy left. The good thing is that boundaries not only keep negative things out, they keep good things in. So allow your concentration to be preserved, and let the student work things out.
This has been the lesson taught to me in the last couple of years. Even now, I still have to vigilently guard against losing my mental energy to a student who is struggling to stay afloat. A sobering realization I found tonight comes from wiki how describing how to properly lifeguard someone who is being pulled under, bearing an uncanny parallel to boundaries in consulting:
"An active drowning victim's only concern is getting air. In fear, he/she may grab onto you and pull you under, resulting in two victims...."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Rebecca, you are right about preserving your mental energy for other clients as well and that your realization that expending all your energy on one client doesn't do anyone any favors, especially yourself.
The wording, "when you have only a couple drops of mental energy left" really hit home with me because I feel like that at times between sessions, although I tend to recharge when I see the client wanting to naturally move the session towards collaboration and not wanting to rely on me to provide content beyond the lines of sharing information.
Thank you for sharing your experience and being so transparent with how you have seen yourself relate to clients and share your hopes for improving for the benefit of all parties involved, but most importantly, for the benefit of your mental, emotional, and physical health. :)
I also welcome other consultants to share their experiences with the tug and pull of clients needs/demands in a session that has left you mentally, emotionally, (and because of the lack of the first two) and/or physically drained. Conversely, not all experiences are negative in nature, there may be also times you have been invigorated or uplifted during or after a session as well.
Thanks Genevieve for the support. It has meant a lot to have my coworkers help out on this issue. I think what is helping in my growth as a peer tutor is the accountability factor with my coworkers. Recently, for example, Ron reminded me that I should take the time needed between clients if I finish early, and not run immediatly to the next one, which gives that next one extra time with me (especially if the next one is the client struggling with boundary issues:)
But yes, thanks all again for the support,and like Genevieve mentioned, the mental energy can come back and stay at even flow if it is dispensed properly for each client. Boundaries are the key:)
Post a Comment